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Pokemon Chaos Control Chp 6- Nioku's Gym battle

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The sun was blazing on the outskirts of Striaton City,the streets were busy and our 3 heroes were preparing for Nioku's upcoming gym battle. "Nioku,are you ready ?" Jim asked. "I.....I'm ready....Jim" Nioku replied,struggling to put on her bra. "I don't think you are." Naraku replied as he was tieing up his charcoal black hair into a knot. "Just get ready Nioku because everyone in the city is coming to watch your gym battle." Jim replied. "O....ok....WOAH !" Nioku said as she tripped over her bra oonto the table,smacking her head. "You are such a klutz Nioku,it's not even funny." Naraku replied laughing. "We are heading out and in the meantime,could you get our luggage ? We need to leave after this gym battle is over." Nioku,who was finally putting on her battle robe,said,"you guys and me can help with this task." "I will not for i cannot dirty my hands." Naraku replied. "You will if i tell you bitch !" Nioku screamed in rage. "Ok ! Ok nioku ! Jim, you get your backpack and i'll get mine." Naraku replied. "Yeah,i will. Now which one is mine again ?" Jim asked. "The blue one." And Nioku pointed to a backpack that had Jim printed in big letters. "Oh....Thanks Nioku." "Somebody open the door,ok ?" Nioku asked. "I'll do it." said jim. Jim carefully wrapped his hand around the door and turned the nob,opening the door to the nearby corridor. "why thank you,jim." Naraku said. All 3 of them kept walking until they reached the elevators. "What should we take Jim ?" ,asked Naraku. "I prefer elevators,but what about you Nioku ?" "Jim,i want to take wahtever gets me to my gym battle faster." she replied. "We're on the 25th floor,so i say we take the elevators." Said Jim. Naraku,wrapped in a daydream,replied,"Take the elevator." "So do we all agree on elevators ?" Nioku replied. "Yeah." And then Naraku pressed the button leading to the first floor. Once they were all in the 7x7 confinements of the elevator,Naraku asked,"Are you nervous about today,Nioku ?" "Yeah i am....more thatn anything." She replied. "I felt that way about my first gym battle against Brock in Pewter City." Jim replied assuringly. "Thanks for the advice,Jim." Nioku replied lookeing away. "We are now on the first floor my young friends." Naraku replied. The mechanically operated doors creaked open and all 3 of our heroes walked out into the marble exterior of the lobby. "Mam,you're checking out today,may i have your card or cards,please ?" The attendant asked. "Here you go." And they all passed the laminated cards to the attandant. "Oh and one more thing. Everyone is talking about you all over Striaton." "Well what do you mean ?" Jim asked. "It's the town's way of saying,"We are comin to your gym battle." The attendant replied. "Oh and you may have breakfast before you leave." Naraku asked,"Shallwe go fill up on food first ?" Nioku,her stomach grumbling,said,"Yeah. Let's go eat. "Sure." Jim feplied. "Excuse me,where is the buffet area ?" Nioku asked politely. "Take a left,then a right. You should see a buffet sign." "Thank you." Said jim. "Well what are we waiting for ?" Asked Naraku with a grin. And then Naraku walked out of the lobby. "Nioku,let's follow him." Jim replied. "Oh....I forgot." Nioku said. Jim feeling hesitant,picked up Nioku and ran to Naraku's table in the buffet area. "What do they have to eat here ?" Jim asked. "Find out for yourself." Naraku said as he pointed to a pancake buffet. "Jim,let's dig in." Nioku said happily. "Oh alright !" Jim replied. With that gesture,Jim charged toward the pancake buffet,stacking his plate with 2p0 pancakes wich he thought he could eat. On the othe hand,Nioku had 10 panckaes stacked for her to eat. As soon as they were all at the table,Naraku asked,"Nioku,what pokemon are you using ?" "I can't tell you." She replied,her mouth stuffed full of foof. "Oh..ok." he replied. "I'm so full...." Said Jim who had only finished 10 of his pancakes. "Jim,you've got to stop stuffing yourself. You've been doing it since we all met at that Elite 4 convention 10 years ago." Naraku replied. "Yeah... I do Naraku,but for some reason, I can't stop it." jim replied as he threw away his plate. "Nioku are you ready to leave ?" Jim asked. "Yeah,I'm ready to go kick Cress's ass." Nioku whispered as she imagined how her gym battle was gonna turn out. "Well,are we going to leave ?" Naraku asked as he pushed in his chair. "Yeah,let's go out the exit of the buffet." Nioku replied. As soon as they reached the door,they heard screaming all over the street. "What's that screaming ?" Jim asked as he then opened the door,revealing a street flooded with people holding posters that read,"Go Nioku !" Or "Cress is the man,he can do it !" At the end of the street was all 3 gym leaders patiently staring at Nioku. "What is with all this commotion over a gym battle ?" Naraku bellowed. "Maybe if you read the signs you would know." Said Nioku as she pointed to a sign that said,"Nioku's gym battle at 10:00 a.m. sharp." "Oh...sorry." said Naraku. "Jim can i get your autograph ?" ,yelled a young girl across the the crowd. "Yeah...uh..ok I'll sign it young lady." Jim replied as he marked his signature on the paper. "Well Nioku ? Are you ready to battle me,the amazing water master ?" Cress yelled out to Nioku. "Sure....I am ready to make you regret even having a gym battle with me !" "Well everyone,let's go into the gym." ,said Cilan. With that gesture,everyone in the town stormed up to the gym. "As i open the doors,everyone will stay in a single file lines. Once they had entered and everyone was waiting outside the wall which led to the gym, Cilan screamed,"Are you ready ? Are you ready ?" "Yeah !" They all screamed. "Ok,then let's get ready to battle !" Chili yelled as he pressed the switch,opening the wall to the gym. Everyone ran in,toppling the gym leaders and forcing Jim and Naraku to scurry fast or they wouldn't get a seat in the front. As soon as everyone was seated,the referee announced it was time to battle and started to announce,starting with,"On this side,we have the hoenn champion,Nioku ! And on the other side we have Cress the water type gym leader of Striaton !" And with that que,both of them walked out on stage proudly,each holding a pokball in their hand. the croud was chanting, "Go battle now !" Nioku screamed,"Metagross,I choose you !" And then a Metagross materialized on the battlefield with abttle ready expression. "Braviary ! Come on out !" Cress screamed as his Braviary materialized in mid air,flapping its wings. "Are you ready,Cress ? Can you take the heat ?" Nioku asked. "I am ready and you will lose,Nioku." Cress replied. "So 8'll call the 1st move. Metagross,use draco meteor !" And as Nioku screamed that,Metagross mounted its mouth up and fired a perfect draco meteor which was aimed at Cress's Braviary. "Braviary ! Dodge it and use Brave Bird !" Braviary began to dodge the draco meteor but due to the swiftness of the draco meteor,Braviary was hit in the back and smashed into the ground. The crowd gazed in amazement as Braviary,surviving from the blow with very little energy left,pushed itself up at Cress's command. "Cress,you have a very formidable Braviary,but when are you going to bring out a water type pokemon ?" Nioku questioned. "You have hubris,Nioku. Thank you for commenting on my Braviary,and yes i do have a water type pokemon but Braviary use hyper beam ! Cress yelled. "Metagross,you do the same !" Nioku bellowed with extreme hate for losing in her eyes. The two hyper beams collided,creating a barrage of smoke that caused the whole stadium to be covered i. Fog,provoking the audience to say,"Ooh." Nioku frustrated because of the fog,decided to call out,"Metagross,use flash cannon !" and for some reason,Metagross hadn't missed its shot and hit braviary in the torso. Cress's Braviary emitted a cry and crashed to the ground,unable to move. The referee,having trouble seeing, asked,"Which pokemon fainted ?" "Mine sir." replied Cress. "Ok then ! Cressk* Braviary is unable to battle and that makes Nioku winner of the first round !" ,replied the referee. "Cress,i'm going to switch my pokemon ! Metagross,come back ! Come on out Manetric !" And Nioku's manetric materialized on the battlefiled and emitted out a spark. "Ok,come on out Simipour !" Cress screamed. "That is a horrible choice Cress. You shoukd rethink your battle strategy." Nioku replied. "Well then. We'll show them Simipour ! Use airiel ace !" Ans Simipour jumped up in the air,moving at amazing speed toward Manetric. "Manetric,dodge it and use discharge !" ,screamed Nioku. As Simipour urged closer,Manetric sprang up and wited for the right time as soon as Simipou was right under him and then Manetric unleashed a discharge upon Simipour,doing massive damage. "Like me now,Cress ?" Nioku saud as she was taunting him. "Yeah,but we have one more move ! Simipour use Aqua Jet !" Cress screamed. Sismipour began to materialize a aqua jet and started to jet towards Manetric. "Why is he using ineffective moves ?" Nioku thought. Manetric use wild charge." Nioku replied. Manetric,feeling tired as hell,charged up electircity and begam running at Simipour's aqua jet. As soon as their attacks collided,Manetric's wild charge was conducted onto to Simipour's aqua jet,dealing massive damage causing her to collapse to the ground, revelaing the unfortunate swirly eyes,whih meant Cress had lost round 2. "Simipour is unable to battle ! And that makes Nioku the winner !" Said the referee. "One last pokemon,Cress. What's it gonna be ? Another water type ?" nioku asked as she taunted him. "No my pride and joy,Latias come on out !" Cress screamed. "Nice cress but I have one of my oen." and then she threw a pokeball making a Darkrai materialize on the battlefield. "Darkrai,use dark void." Nioku said in a dull tone. Darkrai sent out onmious rays tha made Latias fall into a slumber,making it unable to wake up. "Latias,use sleep talk !" Cress screamed and then Latias used giga impact which was one fo its random moves. The giga impact bombarded into Darkrai but it didn't do shit because Darkrai was a dark type. "Cress,don't you know how to use sleep talk ?" Nioku asked. "Latias,wake up." And Latias hearing its master's voice,opened its esyes. "Now use volt tackle !" "Darkrai ! Dodge and use energy ball followed by electro ball ! And then Nioku's Darkrai materialized a energy ball in its sinister,evil hands and fired it at Latias,deamterializing the volt tackle,making Latias fall to the ground. Latias got up and dodged the elctroball and began to use hyper beam. "Darkrai,dodge it and use dark pulse." Nioku said in a dulll tone. Again,as soona s the hyper beam hit Darkrai it sledom did anything. Dark pulse began to hurt Latias until it couldn't tolerate anymore. Latias collapsed and Nioku won the battle. "The winner of the badge is: Nioku from Slaveport City !" The referee screamed. "Here is your badge,Nioku." said Cress with a viviant expression on his face. "Thank you Cress !" Nioku bellowed as she swiped the badge and showed it to everyone. All the audience in the stands ran down to the trainer's box and hoisted her up screaming,"Nioku"s number 1 !" "Everyone ! Put your hands down and give us Nioku. The professor wants her !" Said 3 giys in army vests.........
Hey guys ! Sorry for the delay on my main story,i've been held up with vore requests ! I hope you guys enjoy this one !
© 2012 - 2024 SpiritDragonTano
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PopGoesTheBuizel's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Overall this is a very complex story, it is quite legthy and in some cases confusing, this is by no means a negetive thing, I haven't known DragoniteFan1996 for very long but he comes across as a nice person and after browsing through his work, he shows alot of promise, this story in particular, could be described a a "Broken Vase" and before you hire someone to assasinate me, let me explain. The choice of language techniques and vocabulary used in this story is extrodinary throughout the story you will find detailed descriptions of the scenery or a newly introduced character.
Each description really gives you a sense of what is going on, it almost causes you to feel like you are there, the diogogue between characters is slightly confusing due to ineffective directions of who is speaking, but you tend to get the jist of it. Over all the story shows alot of promise. By a broken vase I mean that on first approach the story can seem quite confusing with ocasional peices of very detailed descriptions. But if you understand the author and understand what the stories symbolism is then you put the parts together and come out with a masterpeice.